My Perfection Problem and 3 Examples of Failure

Perfection is a problem that I have. The biggest issue about it, is that I am not perfect at all.

I can be really hard on myself, and how I anticipate what others think about me. I critique my:

  • Hair
  • Figure
  • Weight
  • How my clothes look on my figure
  • Personality Traits
  • Intelligence
  • Abilities
  • Achievements

As well, since I have social anxiety I also spend a lot of time thinking about how others see and judge me.

  • Do I look okay?
  • Did I say the right thing?
  • Did I do the right thing?
  • Do they like me?
  • Do they not like me?
  • Do they hate me?
  • Do I appear stupid?

I also will project (“mind-read”) what others think about me:

  • “How could she possibly say that?”
  • “Why did she put on weight?”
  • “Her work was not satisfactory.”

I know that I am not perfect nor will I ever be. So why am I so hard on myself? Why can’t I just be happy with where I am at, rather than picking myself apart on a daily basis? Frankly, it’s exhausting. I think I have been a victim of my own bullying, and I know I need to change.

I think it’s good for people to challenge themselves to improve and be better, but it shouldn’t be at the cost of ones self-esteem.

I’ve been thinking lately what it means to be “perfect”. It certainly isn’t achievable – so why do I strive for it? Sometimes I am so hard on myself, I stop before I start! I look at the task or project ahead of me, and I “give-up” because I know I won’t be able to do it to “perfect” standards.

1. Example: Perfection Problem – Weight

Over the years I have been either horribly underweight or overweight. Like many I would like to have a “perfect” figure (whatever that is). The problem is that I have either starved myself into looking like a skeleton, or I just “give-up” trying to have a perfect figure and plump up like a pumpkin.

2. Example: Perfection Problem – School/Work

Over the years I have either super excelled or tragically self-destructed at work/school.

While it is true I have an Honours B.A in Psych, a Post Grad in Marketing and graduated at the top of my class – most of it was due to my raging work-aholic tendencies. I was so scared of having anything less than an ‘A”, I ignored everything else in my life just to get a grade.

On the other hand, I also used to be a “dead-beat” student. When I was in high-school my teachers and principal said I wouldn’t amount to anything. I was actually told frequently to quit school. I was having trouble understanding the school material, my grades were horrible, I skipped many classes and I failed my first year. I couldn’t achieve how I wanted to, so I just “gave-up”. I felt that nothing was good enough unless it had an “A” stamped on it.

3. Example: Perfection Problem – Relationships

Over the years I have either been super detached or very needy. This is the most difficult example for me, because I am still trying to figure this one out. I know that logically all relationships have normal flaws, however sometimes they have scared me so much that I can become apathetic. Basically, I don’t really care one way or another if the relationship continues because I’ve emotionally taken myself out of it. I believe that I do this so that I don’t get hurt by someone leaving me (see my blog that relates to attachment theory).

At times I can be needy/clingy. The crazy thing is that most of the time the person may not even know it. I just may be feeing it. I think it may happen because I begin to question why I am not getting the care, empathy, love, and attention that I think I need. When I feel this way, I tend to get sad/depressed and then find myself lashing out or self-sabotaging to protect my feelings. Similar to the above paragraph, I believe I do this in an attempt not to get hurt. I try to push the other person away first – before they have a chance to push me (see my blog that relates to attachment theory).

Final Thoughts – I Will Never Be Perfect

There is NO time where I will be perfect. It isn’t going to happen. Never. And, it shouldn’t be something that I strive for. It has made me sick, self-destructive, sad, angry, and delusional. I’ve never been truly happy with accomplishments. I either felt like they weren’t deserved or I could have done better.

The short story is that I need to learn that:

  • I will never be perfect.
  • People will never be perfect.
  • Relationships will never be perfect.

If I keep turning away from all of the stuff that scares me, then I miss out on all of the good stuff too.

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7 Comments on My Perfection Problem and 3 Examples of Failure

  1. I feel the same way. Socially at least. That is why I’ve taken to minimizing social contact, which made me a bit more of a creep than I actually was. Oh well, who cares.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. These are some great observations and it’s good to acknowledge that nothing is ever going to be perfect. To me, that is what makes it worth working on things (myself, my work, my home, my relationships, etc.), but not to the point of perfection just to the point that I know I am always striving to be better. I know that can be a hindrance, but I think it’s a good step to take that nothing will be perfect and they don’t have to be 🙂

    Like

  3. Reblogged this on uplift holistic health and commented:
    So courageous of people like the Anxious Butterfly to speak their truth and their fears. We can all help eachother, with whatever it is we are going through.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Thank you for your kind comments :).

    Like

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